Be careful what you wish for...

I asked someone the other day what they thought of me. Well, I definately have my answer to that question. The unfortunate part is that it is the things I hate about myself is what they know me as.

I could try to deny or justify who or what I have become. Blame it on a childhood or family issues. What good would that be? It still manages to raise its ugly head around people I know and care about.

But what does one do when they have become the person they did not want to be growing up? Too bad I can't take myself to some upgrade center and have things removed and improved things added. I have fulfilled my own wicked destiny.

I have heard may theories on this. It was past relationships. It was growing up in an alcoholic family. But once you know how you act, is it not your responsibilty to change these things?

I have lost much in my life due to the choices I make. It always comes down to the same things. But where does one finally say enough and step up to the plate and get it done?

Add that to my many flaws of character. I have the bell to put on the cat, but I am too afraid to do it myself. Or just too set in my ways. Maybe I am too afraid of change. Maybe I am a coward and cannot stand up to my inner demons.

Or maybe I am as weak inside as I fear I really am. And I take out my deepest innermost fears and project them onto people I care about as I am to selfish to work on them myself.

I think it is time for me to 'disappear' for awhile. It is time for me to finally take charge of my weaknesses. I am no good to anyone until I do....

Men and women are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds.-- Franklin D. Roosevelt