A moment of clarity is needed...

I definately need one. Sometimes I just get confused. About what? Well, people, job, life, and sometimes how to blog my thoughts. Lately it has been people. I just haven't been reading people the way I used to. This only applies to higher levels of knowing people. And life... Don't get me started...

The thing that gets me more often than not are those little crushes you can have on people. Oh for the most part I am a fan of the crush. It lets you really appreciate certain aspects of an individual you would never notice before. I think they are healthy to have. I dated someone once who would refer to certain people as work crush, bus crush, etc.. It never bothered me, as I knew where she would be at the end of the day, never doubted that.

Sometimes they just sneak up on you though. What do you do with that? File it under "Dangerous". Nothing good comes of those. As long as you catch it early, it isn't a problem. It is when you let it fester and grow when it becomes one. Yes, I am using some pretty harsh language to describe that, but sometimes you gotta treat it like a life threatening illness.

It is when you least expect things to effect you that finally realize you need to intervene and take control over the situation. Rip it off like a band-aid. Shock the system.

This maybe why I sabotage many relationships. The people I date I have crushes on, people I want to date, and harmeless crushes on people I admire. I don't like being in weird territory sometimes. So I finds ways to get out of it completely. Subtle ways.

Wouldn't it be great if we could have our lives taped and edit the parts we don't like... Change outcomes.. But that would take out so much of the fun too..

I am refocusing on what I need to be doing with myself for a bit. At least until I can see clearly. (I hear a Johnny Nash song playing in the background..)